Dealing with Jealousy Among Siblings

I once read that when there is a new baby in the family, the siblings feel like a wife who has been cheated on by her husband. When we had our third boy, we did not feel any kind of aggressive jealousy going around both of the other elder boys. I do remember though that they used to use their baby brother’s pacifier, sit in his cot and laugh about it.

At that time, we concluded that parents play a major role in reducing or in increasing jealousy among their children. However, the arrival of the twins was kind of heavy on the boys, especially because the twins were preemies and had a lot of attention.

Dealing with jealousy is one of the most difficult challenges we, as parents, might face since it has drastic negative effects on a child’s personality if not dealt with properly.

One of the major behaviours that might ring an alarm and make the parents realize they need to intervene is when the child starts to demonstrate aggressive actions and attitudes.  Squeezing or pinching the baby’s hands, face, or any other part of its body, being loud, and enjoy breaking the house rules are all signs of the child calling for help. Here are a few ideas which might help in dealing with jealousy:

 

•  Dealing with aggressive attitudes:

When my third boy jumps in front of the twins and roughly rubs his face with theirs – you can imagine how annoying it can be, I know I have two options; I either shout at him curtly telling him to stop or I try to understand why my son is behaving as such.

If I choose the first option, I solve the problem temporarily where I have to face it again soon and it might escalate and hence get even worse. Instead, I try to get to the bottom of the problem and ask him; “Why are you doing this? Does it make you feel better? How would you feel if somebody does the same to you?”

You could go even further and openly discuss the misbehaviour. Such as,” Are you doing (describe the wrong behaviour) because you want me to tuck you in bed and I’m sitting with your sister instead of doing so?” When you use the right words to describe a strong complex emotion that the child is experiencing, it immediately calms him down and makes him more attentive to what you are saying. Then explain why this is happening and how the baby needs help since she is dependent etc. 

Conducting a constructive dialogue with our children reinforces the strong bond we have with them as it gives us a chance to listen to what they have to say about their frustration. Moreover, these questions will aid children in having an insight as to what is annoying them while realising you want to help and support them. It also helps them to acknowledge that they have their mom’s full attention - of course in a positive way.

I know it is not easy to be patient and have these issues dealt with in a calm and composed manner every time. However, it is worth trying. A few years ago, I attended a workshop presented by a life coach named Mrs. Naima Lariki who have explained that a parent needs 21 days to make a calm reaction towards the children’s troubles his second nature.                                                                               

At first, you might feel like you cannot hold the anger inside, and you directly go back to the negative reinforcement system. However, when you put yourself in your children’s shoe you gain them as your friends and help them in getting over their jealousy or from any other kind of irritation.

• Showing your love and appreciation to your child:

At this moment in time, your child needs to be showered with hugs and kisses. He wants to hear you tell him how much he is loved. Moreover, giving him specific positive reinforcement on the tinniest and simplest gentle actions he makes, boosts his self esteem and redirects his behaviour toward his siblings. For example, “Oh, I love how tenderly you cuddle your baby brother, “or “I am proud of the way you are softly singing to your baby sister!” 

•  Indulging your child with specific chores:

Keeping your child busy with specific simple chores and having him help you prepare the baby’s clothes, diapers, bath tub etc, makes the child feel appreciated and responsible as he is engaged in those responsibilities. This strategy builds the child’s self-esteem since he feels that he is needed and is playing an essential role in his siblings’ life.

•  Doing fun activities with your child alone:

Setting a specific time for each child separately - where you might go out for a walk to the park, or for an ice cream - gives your child the attention, security, and realization that you are still there for him. For instance, my third son and I went out for dinner, last time, to the restaurant of his choice. His Dad had given him money to buy me dinner as a nice gesture. You should have seen the look on my son’s face when the waitress approached us with the bill! He was delighted and had a huge smile on his face when he was saying “I’ll pay for dinner as I am inviting mommy today! That is my money”. His innocent face was beaming with pride, self-satisfaction and admiration.

• Avoid focusing on the problem:

If your child is suffering from jealousy, try your best not to discuss the issue with your spouse or friends while the child is present (this applies to all sensitive subjects as well). You might think that he is busy playing, but he is listening to every word you say. By doing so, you will be simply reinforcing the problem and have him become aware of it. Thus, you are increasing the dilemma instead of solving it.            

  

• Refraining from comparing your children with each other:

Always make sure to have your child appreciate his credentials. Explain how each one is a unique individual who has special potentials that are different from others. Soon they will learn to value their differences.

There is a list of excellent books where jealousy is indirectly tackled and how siblings can take care of each other. I highly recommend the following:

“BYE-BYE Baby Brother”

“Silly Chicken”

 “What Brothers Do Best”

                                    

Ending sibling rivalry at an early stage of children’s lives, helps them in developing healthy relationships in the future, where love, respect, and support form the basis of their interaction with their families in specific and the community in general. 



Pictures taken from Pinterest

The Natural Homemade Chocolate Spread Recipe

When it comes to chocolate spreads almost all of the ones that you find in supermarkets contain preservatives and hydrogenated oils that might result in devastating health problems later on in the future. However, I have got some good news to all chocolate lovers and cravers. 

Here is a super easy and healthy recipe of a Chocolate Spread. Why don’t you give it a try since now you have a better and healthier alternative?

I found this recipe in “Top Sante” magazine, but I modified it a bit and here is the outcome.

Ingredients:

50 grams dark unsweetened chocolate

70 grams semi-sweetened chocolate

150 grams of unsweetened concentrated milk

2 tablespoons of organic Agave syrup

75 grams of toasted and crushed hazelnut

1 tablespoon organic mixed nut butter

½ teaspoon pure vanilla seeds

Method:

Heat the milk, and then add the chocolate while mixing until it melts. Turn off the heat and add the agave syrup, the hazelnut, and nut butter. Mix thoroughly and put in a jar.

The mixture will be a bit loose at first. Have it refrigerated until it hardens a bit.  After an hour, your healthy chocolate spread is ready.  

Bon Apetit!

Lady's Fingers Recipe

It was around 12:30 in the afternoon when I got a message from a dear friend saying she wants to pass by in the afternoon for coffee. She wanted to see all five of my children before they go to bed. We agreed she comes around 5:30 PM to make sure we were done with our homework and afternoon duties. But a cup of coffee in the Lebanese tradition does not literally state that it is only a cup of coffee. As a Lebanese host, it is socially expected to prepare diverse types of sweets, fruits, and a different set of food that suits each time of the day. Even if that person is very close to you, the social obligations must be met. Now whether I favour these traditions or not is another story. In fact, now is the time to see how I will manage my time and prepare something tasty, presentable, and new since she has tasted many of my pastries and sweets.

This is why I resorted to the Lady's Fingers Recipe:

Ingredients:

200 g Philadelphia Cheese (you can use light)

100 g Philadelphia Cheese with honey and pecans

4 tablespoons icing sugar

2 small boxes of whipping cream

1 tablespoon caster sugar

200 g blueberries

200 g raspberries

100 g strawberries

3 packs of Lady’s Fingers

Method:

Put the blueberries and raspberries in a casserole.  Add the caster sugar and few drops of water. Cook on low heat for 10 minutes, or until the fruits become soft. Set aside to cool.

Using a cake mixer beat the whipping cream until fluffy.

Add the cheese and sugar and mix thoroughly. Make sure not to over mix. 

Place the lady’s fingers in a deep bowl until it covers all the sides and the bottom part.

Layer the cream, cooked fruits, and lady’s fingers one after the other. First, spread the cream, then add the lady’s fingers and finally add the fruits. Continue to do so until you reach the last layer of cream at the top. You will have around three levels depending on how big your bowl is. For the final touch, slice the strawberries and spread them on top.

Finally, my preparations were ready, and my second son enjoyed lining up the lady’s fingers, but he even loved more dipping the biscuit in the cream and eating it.

It was a delicious dessert and everybody enjoyed it. If you do decide to try it out, please share your comments here…

Bon Appetit!

Seven Steps to Enjoy Dinner with your Children at a Restaurant

Going out with your children to a restaurant needs planning and time as there are many important factors that children need to learn before they explore such outings. What can we, as parents, do in order to reach this goal and have a relaxing and enjoyable dinner with our children? From my humble experience, here are a few tips which I think might be of good help.

1. Have the habit to eat together at least once per day

Families bond the most when all the members are seated all together at the table. Table manners, for instance, start from the early stages of life. Once your baby is able to sit in a high chair, you can start keeping him with you while you have lunch or dinner. When children see how you behave at the table, they will indirectly learn about table manners. For example, they will learn how to use the fork and knife, eat slowly, chew well, and take small bites.  Moreover, you have the chance to correct any misbehaviour before it might happen in public.

2. Set expectations in advance

Before leaving to the restaurant, tell your children that you expect them to behave and eat properly just as the way they usually do at home. Explain that people go to restaurants to eat in tranquillity and would love to have a quiet atmosphere in order to enjoy their food. Explain how you won’t tolerate running or throwing food (if they happen to do that) or any kind of inappropriate conduct.

Children usually get in trouble quite easily when you go out with other friends. That is why, it is better to do the first couple of outings alone before you plan lunch gatherings with other families.

3. Choose family-friendly restaurants

If it is possible to choose a restaurant that provides the children with a play area, it will always be better for them to release their energy after a good meal. However, if it is not possible, try to make the lunch a bit quick at the beginning so your children will not be all over the restaurant.

When my third son was around three years old, we went out with some friends to a restaurant which had a baby pool, some slides, and swings next to it. What would a child at his age naturally do? Well of course he ran into the pool with all his clothes and shoes… You can imagine my reaction! 

4. Choose a table that is on the side

It is always better to have your own space when going out as a family, especially if you are a big one with many kids (like mine). Sitting in the middle of the restaurant makes you the point of attention, and trust me you do not want that.

5. Get into the habit of involving your kids with your discussions

Kids love to be treated like adults. Giving your children the chance of asking for their order in the proper manner – by saying please and thank you, involving them in your discussions and talking about topics that interest them would have them glued to their chairs. You can also talk about the types of food they have ordered and how healthy their choices are. Listening to what children talk about helps parents learn more about their little ones and strengthens the bond with them.

6. Order the food for everyone at the same time

When you decide to go to a restaurant, make sure that your children are not starving, so you can all eat at the same time. By doing so, you will all start together and finish together serenely.

 7. Have fun material at hand

Nowadays, most restaurants and diners offer kids menus which have fun activities booklets as well. However, in case that option was not available, or you think your children are not interested in what they have to offer, you can bring crayons and coloring books, travel kit game boards or Crazy 8 cards. So instead of having your children fooling around and embarrassing you, you will be passing the time and having fun with them while waiting for the food to be served. Even though, electronic games and iPads are always easier to carry around, I am very apprehensive when it comes to this type of entertainment.  After all, we are going out to enjoy the time as a family and the last thing we want is to have our children’s attention glued to a screen.

Family time is precious and the earlier we work on enjoying the time with our children, the richer our relationship becomes. Building proper behaviour is not easily acquired, but with patience and consistency children will soon get in the routine of knowing how to behave in restaurants.

Bon Appetit!

N.B: Pictures are taken from Pinterest

Baby Products

How many times have we stopped and stared at the wide variety of baby products? How do we decide which is the best shampoo when our eyes are bombarded with all those competing brands?

When it comes to baby products, parents get lost with the countless items available in the supermarkets or pharmacies.  Back when I was attending the prenatal courses with our first baby, the mid-wife mentioned that the shampoos and body wash items used nowadays have chemical elements she herself cannot even read. Indeed she said:” Just imagine what we are putting into our babies’ bodies right from day one.”

Following the session, I stormed home to complete an extensive research before I set my mind on using the following products with my children. Even though those products worked well for all 5 of my kids, I would strongly advise all mothers and care givers to do their own research that fits the best interest of their individual children. In other words, some babies might be allergic to certain chemical substances and therefore we should be meticulous in our choices.

Diapers:

After trying different brands of diapers, I decided to use Huggies. It is mainly composed of cotton and does not cause any rash to babies.  Recently, there has been Organic Huggies which is composed of organic cotton for ages 1 and 2.

Follow on Formula:

Breast milk is the best milk a mom can supply her child with. However, if for any reason a mom cannot breastfeed, there is also a lot of Organic Milk Formula options. I usually introduce milk formula around the age of 6months, and I mainly use Hipp Bio Combiotic Milk.                    

Shampoos, soaps, and body showers:

When it comes to diaper change, I always prefer to use water and soap. I only use baby wet wipes in case we were at the mall, or in the park, or in any other place where I am unable to wash for my baby.

I know it is tiresome, but I strongly believe that it is cleaner and healthier than having wipes on the baby’s skin all day.

With my first baby, I used La Roche Posay Lipikar Soap. It was an excellent choice and my son never had any allergic reaction throughout the time he had nappies.

I also used Mustela or Bioderma shampoos. Both products have ingredients of natural origin, sourcing most of the key active ingredients from plants. Today, Mustela Bébé products contain 92% ingredients of natural origin on average.

Currently, I am using Rampal Latour soap which is a natural soap for my twins, and I am more than satisfied with this product.  It is silky smooth and has a wonderful fragrance. The only disadvantage of such soaps are that they do not have a “no more tears” formula, so you need to be careful, your baby does not rub his eyes.

Nowadays, there is an insistency on having paraben free products. “Parabens are inexpensive, highly effective preservatives. They prevent the growth of mold and bacteria that could spoil products or potentially harm consumers.”

Are parabens dangerous?

“Parabens have been widely used as preservatives for over 50 years. The Cosmetic Ingredient Review, an organization that evaluates the safety of ingredients, and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration are satisfied that parabens are safe. However, the European Union's Scientific Committee on Consumer Products is still reviewing the safety of propyl, isopropyl, butyl, and isobutyl parabens.

Parabens have been found to mimic the female hormone estrogen, although they're 1,000 to one million times weaker than natural estrogen. A controversial study published in 2004 led to widespread concern that parabens in underarm deodorants could cause breast cancer. This study has since been discredited because it involved only 20 women and was poorly conducted.

While studies have found some parabens can affect the reproductive systems of male animals when ingested or injected, we don't know whether they would cause similar problems in people.” (babycenter.com)

That’s why, precautions are better taken, especially since there has not been enough data collected on this issue.

Most laboratories of baby shampoos are working on removing harmful chemicals from the composition of their products.  So always make sure to read the labels and check what ingredients are found before using any product on your baby.

Rash creams:

Sudocrem is a common rash cream that has been used for years.

However, there is always a natural remedy which is as beneficial as any other rash cream, but it is completely natural. All you need to do is mix one table spoon of starch with a bit of water until you get a thick white semi liquid consistency – very similar to Greek yogurt. This can be applied on the baby’s skin and it serves as a coat and cools the red skin.

Baby Laundry Washing Detergents:

I have always used special detergents for my children, especially during the first four months. Knowing how sensitive babies are, it is important to find a detergent that is composed of harmless and natural elements. Le Chat Bebe Lessive is an excellent choice.

Baby Oils:

Natural olive and almond oils are what we used to scrub our little ones with after the shower. A gentle massage along, made them feel relaxed and loved. That is why I never bought any kind of baby oil.

Finally, I hope that this summary would be of help to all the mothers out there. I want to reiterate that each baby is different, and what might have suited my children does not necessary suit all babies. After all, we seek what is best for our kids. 

Bonding Time with Dad

Years ago, when my brother was around 6 years old, he and his friend, Simon, were boasting about their dads who were both doctors.

So Simon goes,” My dad is the president of the hospital!!”

My brother looked seriously at him, thought for a while before he replied and then said: ”Well, my dad is the president of Oxygen!”

Simon was shocked by my brother’s reply as he was unable to understand what it meant, so he sprinted towards his dad scurrying for explanations.

We always hear children bragging about their father’s super powers, but the peculiar part of it is that deep inside they do believe it is true.

To create a successful bonding and have the hero image become realistic, Dads, like moms, have a great role in raising their children. However, there are still some dads who find it a bit challenging to bond with their kids.  Here are a few tips that can help in establishing strong roots which would last for years to come.  That is why, it is important that the dads intervene as early as possible in order to transfer this heroic image into a solid bonding.

Participate in their daily routine:

Dads who take care of the children’s basic needs like showers, teeth brushing, etc. show them that their dad cares about their well-being and hygiene. Here, the children have a one on one time with their dad where they can confide in him and tell him about their day and friends.  A dad’s involvement with daily tasks helps the children become independent in the sense that dads usually have the children do the tasks on their own while they supervise. Hence, the independent spirit within the child flourishes in a positive way.

Doing sports together:

Whether it is swimming, playing football, basketball, or tennis, dads can profit from such occasions and direct their kids towards fair playing. Sports games offer a vast opportunity that helps children learn about team work and communication skills between the players. More importantly, it teaches about trust and cooperative work which are vital transferable skills for a successful future. This makes us move to the next step.        

Go out on special trips:

Depending on the child’s age group, a dad can plan simple yet influential outings with the children. For boys, for example, he can take them to a car exhibition, where they can discuss the functions and different parts of vehicles. As for girls, he can accompany them to any activity, like chess or music lessons, which they are participating in. This way, the children and their father can enjoy their time together while doing something they both enjoy. Riding bikes, going ice skating, having an ice cream, or simply playing in the park are all essential activities that make the child feel closer to his dad.

Read books to them:

Reading books is incredibly helpful in connecting with children. Usually, the child is relaxed and feels secure as they snuggle in the warm lap of their dad. These reading sessions help the children to hold discussions about the events of the story and indirectly learn how to make a proper dialogue.

Go to the supermarket:

Even though going grocery shopping may seem trivial, but children learn a lot from this experience. For instance, they learn to be responsible, make calculations, understand the concept of classification, and know how to choose good types of products.

Play board games together:

Playing games has always been the best tool where a parent can teach without preaching about the basic guidelines in life. Board games are a great way to explain to the child about those rules, and to learn how to respect them. “Snakes and Ladders” is a favourite of my third son, and the minute his dad comes back from work, he directly gets it and they have a quick round.

Even though daddies are busy with work and responsibilities, setting a time for the children is essential. Once they feel the closeness of their dad, they know that they can confide in him and share their highs and lows which eases discussions between them. Participating in each other’s lives also helps in establishing a strong bond. In other words, dads become his children’s father, protector but most importantly friend for life...

N.B: Pictures are taken from Pinterest

My Experience with my Preemies

Having a premature child is an enormously distressing and difficult experience. Even though you are aware that your baby is fragile, helpless, and tiny you still feel their strength, willpower and determination to fight for their life. Any baby born before 37 weeks is considered to be a premature baby or a “preemie”, and the earlier the baby the bigger the risks!

When I first found out that I was pregnant with twins, I realised that the possibility of delivering early was immensely high. During that time, I have read and heard some heart breaking stories about preterm babies who have spent a couple of months or more in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Although my little fighters only spent two weeks in the hospital, I was able to understand and comprehend the agony and suffering that parents go through.

My water broke at 33 weeks after spending the whole night with mild contractions. I knew there was no going back, and my little birdies were soon to be born. However, I was appalled by the whole experience of delivering 7 weeks earlier than normal so I did not know what to do or how to react, thus I “let the wind take my sail”. The moment I first heard their cry at 9:30 A.M., tears streamed down my face, wishing I could embrace them close to me to assure them that everything is going to be alright. The doctor held them a few centimetres away exclaiming they are gorgeous, but they cannot be given to me – not now, not yet! They had to go to the NICU and I was left waiting impatiently to reunite with my angels…

Later that night around 11:30 P.M., I was allowed to visit my new-borns in the NICU. The NICU was composed of over forty incubators stretching on both sides of a wide hall. The mild smell of medications and antibacterial cleansers nestled in the air. The lights were all off except for a few blue neon glows that were on top of some incubators. There were hushed tones and a calm stillness apart from the continuous beeping monitors which were attached to every incubator. The nurses, with colourful blue and purple scrubs, moved around soundlessly and calmly ensuring all babies are taken care of.

Looking anxiously for my twins, I saw that they were in separate incubators with wires attached to their petite chests, feet, and back. There were even tubes coming out of their mouths for feeding – of course they were still unable to suck properly at this age. So tiny and so small, the image of my little birdies in those plastic rectangular cribs simply broke my heart. Nevertheless, I was so grateful and thankful because the first few hours of their lives passed smoothly with no complications. In fact, I was told that the first 90 hours of a preemie’s life is a very accurate predictor to whether they will face serious impediments or not. So it was a matter of time and during that time, my mind and thoughts drove me into darkness, hysteria and loneliness. Here again, I found myself confronting yet another dilemma; surrender or fight! Of course, surrendering has never been my last resort, and I believed that if I want to help my babies overcome this phase, I needed to work on giving them positive vibes. 

After three days of my emergency C-section delivery, I was discharged and had to leave my birdies in the NICU as they still needed one-on-one care from the health professionals. Unlike my previous experiences where I proudly carried our first three children as I emerged out of the hospital, this time, I left with empty hands, a shattered heart, a dry throat, and a churning stomach. I could not utter a word in the car as my husband drove us back home, and silent tears were the only mean that reflected my state. I was devastated.

However, deep down I found my strength and pulled myself up to show my boys their strong mom, who was always there for them. And so the adventure began…

I used to go to the hospital every morning once the boys set off to school. It was a 40 minute drive and I did it twice as I strongly believe that a mother’s presence next to her premature children facilitates and increases their cure. I also acknowledged the importance of breast milk, so I started to pump milk every three hours – even during the night – and have the bottles with me in the morning. At noon time, I would leave the hospital and go back home to be with my boys once they returned from school. Then around 7 P.M., my husband and I would go back to the hospital and spend the evening with our little fighters. We did that day in day out for two weeks, ensuring all our 5 children were receiving our unconditional love and care.

I was lucky that I had a great support from my husband, my family, close relatives, dear friends and colleagues, nurses, doctors, and medical consultants. Everyone helped in a certain way. Every single one of them motivated and encouraged me to go through this experience and learn from it!

During the time I spent at the NICU, I held my babies (using the Kangaroo Mother Care Method), changed their diapers, talked and sang to them and told them how much I adored their little innocent faces. I made sure they knew that I counted on them having faith in their strength and willpower to grow and come home. I even explained how marvelled I am by their will to fight for their right to survive. I always encouraged them and whispered how proud I am of their efforts thanking them every day for cooperating with me.  I knew they were listening to me, even now whenever they cry or feel fussy, I hold them close and sing them the same songs I did at the hospital and they calm down instantly.

For two weeks, I did the same every single day, and I could see how my little ones were growing, and how they knew I was there for them. And for two weeks at night when I left the hospital, my heart ached and my knees buckled as I wished them good night and that we shall meet again the next day.

I learned a lot during those days. I learned that when we face any difficulty, we cannot just surrender to it. We have to live and learn from our experiences and make the best out of them. I learned that being strong does not only help you, but helps those who are around you and who depend on you. Finally, I learned that we are not alone as there is a secret power that once attained can make you move mountains and overcome hardships.

Here, I would like to take the chance and show our gratitude for everything that we have. It is shocking to realize, that even in our present time, there are babies who are deprived of having decent lives with proper medical care, nutritious food, and a warm shelter. In the hope that we provide our children and all the children in the world a better future, I leave it up to you moms out there to have your voices heard.

N.B: Pictures are taken from Pinterest