My Experience with my Preemies

Having a premature child is an enormously distressing and difficult experience. Even though you are aware that your baby is fragile, helpless, and tiny you still feel their strength, willpower and determination to fight for their life. Any baby born before 37 weeks is considered to be a premature baby or a “preemie”, and the earlier the baby the bigger the risks!

When I first found out that I was pregnant with twins, I realised that the possibility of delivering early was immensely high. During that time, I have read and heard some heart breaking stories about preterm babies who have spent a couple of months or more in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Although my little fighters only spent two weeks in the hospital, I was able to understand and comprehend the agony and suffering that parents go through.

My water broke at 33 weeks after spending the whole night with mild contractions. I knew there was no going back, and my little birdies were soon to be born. However, I was appalled by the whole experience of delivering 7 weeks earlier than normal so I did not know what to do or how to react, thus I “let the wind take my sail”. The moment I first heard their cry at 9:30 A.M., tears streamed down my face, wishing I could embrace them close to me to assure them that everything is going to be alright. The doctor held them a few centimetres away exclaiming they are gorgeous, but they cannot be given to me – not now, not yet! They had to go to the NICU and I was left waiting impatiently to reunite with my angels…

Later that night around 11:30 P.M., I was allowed to visit my new-borns in the NICU. The NICU was composed of over forty incubators stretching on both sides of a wide hall. The mild smell of medications and antibacterial cleansers nestled in the air. The lights were all off except for a few blue neon glows that were on top of some incubators. There were hushed tones and a calm stillness apart from the continuous beeping monitors which were attached to every incubator. The nurses, with colourful blue and purple scrubs, moved around soundlessly and calmly ensuring all babies are taken care of.

Looking anxiously for my twins, I saw that they were in separate incubators with wires attached to their petite chests, feet, and back. There were even tubes coming out of their mouths for feeding – of course they were still unable to suck properly at this age. So tiny and so small, the image of my little birdies in those plastic rectangular cribs simply broke my heart. Nevertheless, I was so grateful and thankful because the first few hours of their lives passed smoothly with no complications. In fact, I was told that the first 90 hours of a preemie’s life is a very accurate predictor to whether they will face serious impediments or not. So it was a matter of time and during that time, my mind and thoughts drove me into darkness, hysteria and loneliness. Here again, I found myself confronting yet another dilemma; surrender or fight! Of course, surrendering has never been my last resort, and I believed that if I want to help my babies overcome this phase, I needed to work on giving them positive vibes. 

After three days of my emergency C-section delivery, I was discharged and had to leave my birdies in the NICU as they still needed one-on-one care from the health professionals. Unlike my previous experiences where I proudly carried our first three children as I emerged out of the hospital, this time, I left with empty hands, a shattered heart, a dry throat, and a churning stomach. I could not utter a word in the car as my husband drove us back home, and silent tears were the only mean that reflected my state. I was devastated.

However, deep down I found my strength and pulled myself up to show my boys their strong mom, who was always there for them. And so the adventure began…

I used to go to the hospital every morning once the boys set off to school. It was a 40 minute drive and I did it twice as I strongly believe that a mother’s presence next to her premature children facilitates and increases their cure. I also acknowledged the importance of breast milk, so I started to pump milk every three hours – even during the night – and have the bottles with me in the morning. At noon time, I would leave the hospital and go back home to be with my boys once they returned from school. Then around 7 P.M., my husband and I would go back to the hospital and spend the evening with our little fighters. We did that day in day out for two weeks, ensuring all our 5 children were receiving our unconditional love and care.

I was lucky that I had a great support from my husband, my family, close relatives, dear friends and colleagues, nurses, doctors, and medical consultants. Everyone helped in a certain way. Every single one of them motivated and encouraged me to go through this experience and learn from it!

During the time I spent at the NICU, I held my babies (using the Kangaroo Mother Care Method), changed their diapers, talked and sang to them and told them how much I adored their little innocent faces. I made sure they knew that I counted on them having faith in their strength and willpower to grow and come home. I even explained how marvelled I am by their will to fight for their right to survive. I always encouraged them and whispered how proud I am of their efforts thanking them every day for cooperating with me.  I knew they were listening to me, even now whenever they cry or feel fussy, I hold them close and sing them the same songs I did at the hospital and they calm down instantly.

For two weeks, I did the same every single day, and I could see how my little ones were growing, and how they knew I was there for them. And for two weeks at night when I left the hospital, my heart ached and my knees buckled as I wished them good night and that we shall meet again the next day.

I learned a lot during those days. I learned that when we face any difficulty, we cannot just surrender to it. We have to live and learn from our experiences and make the best out of them. I learned that being strong does not only help you, but helps those who are around you and who depend on you. Finally, I learned that we are not alone as there is a secret power that once attained can make you move mountains and overcome hardships.

Here, I would like to take the chance and show our gratitude for everything that we have. It is shocking to realize, that even in our present time, there are babies who are deprived of having decent lives with proper medical care, nutritious food, and a warm shelter. In the hope that we provide our children and all the children in the world a better future, I leave it up to you moms out there to have your voices heard.

N.B: Pictures are taken from Pinterest

Who is in Control?

Our brain is such a complex and mysterious organ that might seem to be unreachable and ambiguous. We think that it is the one that controls us, but the surprising news is that we do.

I did not know that directing the brain is attainable until I experienced it myself during labour with the twins. My water broke at 33 weeks, and I had to go through the delivery on my own. The contractions suddenly became intense and immediate.  The doctors panicked and I could see them running and shouting orders for me to be directly transferred to the OR for a C-section. To make things worse, it was my first experience with a C-section, in a hospital that I have never been to before. The anaesthetist told me that if I wanted to have a local aesthesia, I had to stop myself from shaking. I was not aware that every muscle in my body was quivering. I knew that if I do not stop these trembling movements, he will put me to sleep. And that was my main fear.

I did not want to drift away into a dark world I did not know, and I wanted to be with my twins the minute they were born, and I could not help it.  At that instant I knew that it is all in my head, and I was surprised by my own voice that suddenly became clear and calm when I told the doctor, “I can do it. Just do whatever you need to do and have my babies arrive safely.”

In fact, I have decided not to panic. I set my goal that I need to control my emotions and be strong for my twins and for myself. Within few minutes, the doctor was able to insert the needle in my spine, and a couple of seconds later I heard the first cry of my first twin…

But how can this be true scientifically? What has happened to my brain when I took the decision not to panic?

In the brain there are multiple structures where each has its own function. Two of those are the Limbic System and the Prefrontal Cortex.  

The Limbic System, also known as The Animal Brain, supports a variety of functions including adrenaline flow, emotion, and behaviour. For example, when a person has a panic attack, it is this part of the brain that is working on full speed.                                     

In fact, it will be the one sending signals to have the person react to the panic experienced. Many people think that it is a positive thing to have such reactions. Others wonder how we can control our fears and if it is possible to work on our brains and have these calm and controlled attitudes become our nature. As moms, having this option would be great, especially when we want our children not to panic, or to be frustrated, or even to feel helpess.

Could we actually change our brain to function in a free style controlled manner? Can we really manage our Limbic system and eventually our fears?    

Indeed we can, and here comes the other brain structure, the Prefrontal cortex, into play…

The outer frontal part of the brain is the Prefrontal cortex that helps us guide our thoughts and fears. In fact, as Goldman Rakic put it back in October 1996:

“The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning, action, thoughts and also for the inhibition of inappropriate thoughts, emotions, actions and feelings.“

In other words, the Prefrontal cortex controls our “animal brain”.

                             

                                The Prefrontal Cortex: 

             

This means that once you take the decision of not wanting to panic, or to holler, or when you even want to overcome any other weakness that you have, this part of the brain, the Prefrontal cortex, starts to send messages to the Limbic System to have it under control.  Once you set your mind on a goal, the brain accelerates this process to accomplish a meticulous mental state.

Scientists believe that goal-setting works by assisting the Frontal Lobes. As the brain’s supervisor, the Frontal Lobes are responsible for reasoning and planning. The minute you concentrate on a specific goal, the Prefrontal cortex keeps the Limbic System in check.

Last but not least, the brain is also characterized by Neuroplasticity or Brain Plasticity, which states that the brain is in continuous change. Unlike the old belief that it is a physiologically static organ, it is always ready to form new connections. In other words, our brain can change to form better connections between the Prefrontal cortex and the Limbic system and eventually enhances our self-control.

And guess how you can from such connections?

By simply “deciding to” control the BRAIN!!

The point is that we are blessed with a miraculous organ which is the brain. In it we can decide whether we want to be weak, helpless, feeble, or vulnerable. On the other hand, we can train it to help us in being resilient, powerful, and effective decision makers.

Luckily, science is there to aid us in comprehending and realizing the secrets that lie within each human. After many trials, these self-control issues help us in dealing with our weaknesses and faults.  Once we understand them and overcome them, we can easily transmit these methods to our children who will be able to soar up freely in the future.

'…I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul'

“Invictus” written by the English poet William Ernest Henley

N.B.: The medical information was provided by Dr. W. Radwan – Neurologist at AUB-MC

Embarrassing Incidents; continued

We all face embarrassing moments with our children which might happen privately or worse even publicly. And here the dilemma settles; what would you do and how are you supposed to react?

As in all parental issues and crises, one should work on the patience factor. Have the whole thing well digested before the reaction takes place. However, there are a few tips that might help avoiding embarrassing situations like tantrums in the mall or swearing at the table etc…

1. Having the same say: When both mom and dad have the same say, the child knows that he cannot fool around and get one of their approvals. So when mom says NO, the child knows that daddy won’t say YES.

2. Being firm about your decision, where you make the child realize that you won’t change your mind simply because he started to cry. Tell him, “Does crying change anything?” or “You know that when you cry nothing changes.” A nice method I have come across is “Asked and Answered” strategy where you tell your child that he has already asked for something and your answer was clear. That’s why, when your child comes back with the question whether he can buy that extra toy, you can simply say, “Asked and answered.”  

3. Having your child confide in you where he can ask about taboo issues, like cursing and other sensitive topics. Let them know that they can come to you for help. Once the words are clearly explained to them, they know that they should not use them. This goes directly to step 4 where you have to be the role model yourself.

4. Avoiding cursing in front of the children is the best way to teach them not to use that language. Children copy their parents in everything they do. Preaching does not play the major role in raising well rounded and polite children. In fact it is how you speak, act, and behave in your daily life - with them and with others - that make the whole difference.  When we as parents curse all the time, what do we expect from our children to do?

These tips will not guarantee the fact of not being embarrassed. However, your action will lead to their reaction. At the end of the day, it is you who decide what you want from your child and based on your actions, the child reacts. If that child needs the attention, they know how to get it – and mainly they do it in a negative way.

So when my child throws a tantrum in public, do I ignore him, or I punish him, or do I preach? I think that once you are in that awkward and uncomfortable situation, you need to count till ten before you react in order not to make the circumstances worse.

I am still looking forward to reading some of the situations that you might have had. Together as moms we can always learn from each other.

N.B: Pictures are taken from Pinterest

Most Embarrassing Incidents

Has this ever happened to you?

You are all having dinner with family and close relatives when your six year old swears as he is telling you about a fight he had with one of his friends in school.

Or

You are in a toy store at the mall when your three year old throws a tantrum. She starts twisting and screaming while lying on the floor simply because you refused to buy her a toy which she already has.

Or

You are having a gathering with some of your friends and their children, and your eight year old answers you back in front of everyone.     

We have all encountered embarrassing situations with our children which sometimes might have been funny, and other times you were so embarrassed that you wished you could be dreaming!

What would you do in such situations? How are you supposed to react? Do you preach? Do you show your frustration? Or do you ignore the whole thing?

Have your voice heard and share your experiences here. In the aim to support each other, as mothers, let us know how you have dealt with the same or similar situations in the comments section below!

     

Halloween Party Planning Ideas

“Halloween! Trick or Treat!” that is what I hear once October settles and autumn resides. I remember, when I was a child myself, how we used to wait with impatience for Halloween every year.  The image of us running in the neighbourhood from one house to the other, gathering candies and goodies, still lingers in my mind. When the evening comes, and the sun sets down in the horizon, and our pumpkins are filled, everyone is seated around the bonfire enjoying the crackling of the warm flames.

Costumes, candies, pumpkins, cookies, cobwebs, witches, bats, and the list never ends. Every year, my children and I prepare something for Halloween, where I try my best to have them enjoy it the way I did when I was their age. I want them to learn to cherish these little things that we can do together and have them appreciate it.

Planning a Halloween party at home is simple, easy, and fun, especially when you have your children involved. You will be surprised how responsible they are. All you need to do is organize your time, decide on the number of children you want to have, and have your decoration ready.

Decoration: Decorating the house for Halloween is an amazing activity where all the family members participate in. Here are a few ideas;

·            Black bats can be easily cut out from black cardboards and stuck on the main entrance or walls in the house. It is a wonderful activity that the children love and helps with their fine motor skills.    

·         Black and orange streamers can be done from soft crepe papers.

·         A few black and orange balloons coming down from the ceiling, a few pumpkins, candles, and you are done. You do not need to be too sophisticated. After all it is a celebration for the children and you need a few things just to set the ambiance.                                

  Food: A few can be chosen from the list below;

•      Hotdog fingers can be done as “Dead Men’s Fingers.  Simply wrap some hot dog sausages with puff pastry, bake them in the oven. Add a few drops of ketchup for the final touch.

·      Using cookies cutters, make mini pizzas in the shape of a tombstone, cat, ghost etc…

·      A ball of popcorn and pretzels

·     Graveyard Tiramisu:                                            

                       

For this recipe you will need:     

2 cans of Nestle Cream

2 bags Dream Whip whipping cream

3 Tablespoons icing sugar

1 box Leibniz butter biscuits

1 cup of Nescafe instant coffee

For decoration: HARIBOU worms, Milano cookies for the tombstones, melted dark chocolate for the writing and spiders.

     

• One round cake covered with orange icing with a few licorice candy coming down from the sides.

•     A pumpkin pie. 

·            

Games and Activities: There are many games and activities that you can find online, but I’ll share some of my favourite ones so far…

•      “Treasure Hunt”: Hide different types of candies and treats and have the children find them. You can also hide a scary pumpkin or a skull (depending on your age group) and the winner gets a prize. This activity can be done indoors or outdoors.
•       Do an art craft where children can make a skeleton out of cotton buds.  

·        Have the children listen to a story related to Halloween. For example,   “The Witches” by Roald Dahl, and/or “Room on the Broom” by Julia Donaldson are both interesting depending on the age group and the time you have.

·       Donut eating race: where several donuts with strings are hanging from a tree branch or a sturdy rod.  Blindfold the contestants and, on the count of three, have each player try to eat their donut — the first one to finish wins!

    v  Last but not least, take instant Polaroid pictures of the guests and everything you did.

 This serves as a great souvenir!

Enjoy!!

Happy and Confident Children in 4 steps

In the mid of the hustle and bustle of our hectic days as mothers and while we are running errands, feeding, bathing, showering, and driving our children around, we tend to forget the bigger picture of parenting. Beneath those enjoyable moments (but they can be quite tough and miserable sometimes), there is the shadow of the parents’ conscience which keeps gauging our minds as how to help raise our children into becoming independent well-rounded future citizens. What should we do to help them succeed? How can we ensure they are also happy?

The secrets of successful and happy individuals are confidence and a positive self-esteem. We, as parents, have a crucial role to play in developing those characteristics in our children’s personalities. In fact, I will share four main components that I have been following which I believe help in building children’s self-esteem and confidence:

 1.  Never sneak away from your child:

My husband and I always told our children that we will be going out for a while, and stressed on the fact that we will come back later. We made sure to let them know how much we loved them and explained to them that they are going to stay with their grandmother in the meantime. Like all other children, they used to cry for the first couple of outings. It is very normal for children to react in such a way and most probably they want to go with you. But eventually, they learned that we always come back and that we are always there for them. Therefore, our children learned to trust us and felt safe even when we were not around and we built a positive self-esteem. .

  2.  Never lie to your children:

Honesty is a key factor in parenting. Whatever their question is or their demand, a parent needs to be honest about it. Take the time to explain your reasons behind your behaviour or answers. Even when you do, make some more time and hear if they have something else to add. Another way to build confidence is to help our children express themselves and share their opinion. Their voice needs to be heard and we are all ears.  One of the good examples that come to mind is when we take the children for vaccination. We tell them that it will hurt a bit, and explain why it is important for them to have it.                                            

 3.  Be patient:

With too much on your plate and a lot of voices saying ‘mommy’ at the same time, being patient is one of the hardest things about parenting. A glimpse of what I encounter at home almost every afternoon with all five of my children (bless them) at home is as follows; the twins are nagging (even though diaper change, checked; feeding, checked; teething, Panadol given an hour ago so checked; toys and books, right within their reach also checked…), my number three wants to play snakes and ladders, my second son has a few inquiries about life and probably a couple of good arguments supporting playing Wii on weekdays, and my eldest has homework but doesn’t feel like finishing it. Most probably, the phone will also be ringing in the background and someone is always at the door… What would I do? Where do I start? Sometimes, I feel like screaming and running but then again how does that help! After a lot of years of practice, I found that the key to deal with such a situation is to solve the issues one at a time. By doing so, you teach your kids about patience, waiting for their turn and they can see that you are there for them. Thus confidence is established because they know they will get your attention.

 4.  Remind them that you love them:

Showering your children with love and affection is an enjoyable remedy for both child and parent. Not only the child feels content, but she will also have a sense of security that builds confidence and trust.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Frederick Douglass